Headlines from the Future I
Air Bed And Brothel!
Failing Vacation Rentals Spice Up Offers with Questionable Methods
By: Heywood Jablome
MANHATTAN- Police raided a Midtown apartment complex that has been acting as a brothel for customers, booking through a popular temporary rental platform. The police raid entered five apartments in the building where women were engaging in sexual behavior with the renters for prices that were over-inflated as compared to the standard going rate for similar rentals in the area.
“It’s just part of the rental package,” said the manager of the five rentals, Mike Hawk-Ertz. His attorney, Mr. Dan Baltic, went on to say, “The guests were paying for the apartment and the use of the facilities therein. Advertised with the apartment on the website was the promise of a live-in maid, whose stated job was to provide for “any and all” needs that the guest may have had. That could be anything from cooking and cleaning to more salacious rendezvous that were occurring with full knowledge and consent by all parties involved. No money was exchanged between the guests and our models, no promises of future payment or a quid pro quo were even alluded to. What happens in a private domicile, rented or owned or otherwise, should not be the purview of this or any government.”
The temporary rental market has dried up in recent months. Many state the rising costs of day-to-day life make renting from these platforms unfeasible. “Cleaning fees are way too high and I’ve noticed the places aren’t even that clean. I’ll even get a lower rating from the renter if I leave the trash in the can or some dirty dishes in the sink. What am I paying for?” one renter commented.
The NYPD has noticed a growing trend in “full experience” short-term rentals ever since a viral TikTok from one private proprietor, username @gf_experience, explained her method of renting her apartment to men and incentivizing them to spend more money and time at her rental by engaging in sexual intercourse with them. The video gained over 1 million views in twenty-four hours, with a followup video stating that her rentals were “booked for the next 6 months”.
New York City DA Harlan Douche (editors note it is pronounced ‘dough-shay’) said that while there will be an investigation into the scheme, as the law stands, there is no precedent for any charges to be brought on the manager, the models or the so called ‘independent renters’.
NYU Women’s Studies and Sexuality Professor Hannah Quim, when asked about the rental scheme said this “The prosecution and persecution of sex work in our society shows great disdain for women and the realities of existing in a system built on sexism. My only concern is, that from the data that I’ve gathered, it is looking like these websites that host the rentals may be racist.”
The sites hosting these rentals could not be reached for comment, releasing the following statement. “Our website was founded on the principles of access to travel for our customers and creating passive income for our partners. We do not condone the use of our platform for anything other than our stated goals and furthermore, condemn all forms of racism and discrimination of any kind.”
The DA’s office said they will be looking into possible 13th Amendment violations that have resulted from the police raid.